Thursday, July 28, 2011


Sometimes everything just falls on us like a rushing cloud carrying in it's tow a torrent of piercing rain and wind.

Sometimes those rain drops weren't actually caused by an exterior force. Sometimes they come from your own eyes. From your own doing. Sometimes that wind is the unbearably sharp gasps from your own lips as your tears choke the breath out of you.

Sometimes the world sings and tries to touch you with its light but you seem to be trapped in the dark with no way out and no way for the light to come in.

Sometimes that dark is just you closing your eyes.

Sometimes you just want to scream and tear things apart so you'll stop tearing yourself up inside.

Sometimes you can't escape yourself.

Sometimes you understand the coping mechanisms of those who have driven themselves mad in self preservation, because just letting life happen would have killed them.

Sometimes the doors you hide behind are just too hard to open even though they're unlocked and ready to be thrust open.

Sometimes. But only sometimes. And it's hard to realize that sometimes isn't all times when your sometimes last a while. When your sometimes are so big and your other times are so peacefully quiet. The difference is startling and so you remain startled until you can somehow remind yourself to take a step back or be still.

So I'm trying to open my eyes. I'm trying to get out all the tears so there's no more to cry. I'm settling my hands from destruction, settling my breath, and settling into stillness. And once I'm still I'll be taking that step towards that door. And I'm gonna open it. Because I will not let my sometimes become my all times. And unlike that mad man I can not live unaware. I can not live without joy. I can not live without action invoked of my own accord. So if I ever scream or shed a tear please understand. I'm trying hard to be still.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

New year, new life, new me

Welcome, welcome. Thank you for coming!  Today is the mark of something NEW. Some glorious sort of blessing. Something stable. No, it's not as monumental as it sounds, but Riley and I are very thankful for it. At the beginning of this semester Riley and I were feeling our faith, our pockets and our resumes stretch quite a bit. As we approached this new year with almost nothing in our bank account and the only job we had was looming over our heads with shortened hours (although a raise made that stretch just bearable) it became very obvious that there were going to need to be some big changes in our lives. Riley would start looking for a job and the instant my hours were shortened I would too. Personally I was getting a little worried as up until this last week there was no change. I was able to scrape up just enough hours to support us this month, and we had heard nothing else concerning the job Riley had applied for. But luckily the Lord provides. Shame on me for being skeptical. Friday evening Riley got a call from his current dream job which he applied for. An internship that will keep us here through the summer and likely until he graduates!!!! He will be programing software with BYU to external sources. So not only is he learning the ropes and getting experience and connections, but they will actually be selling these projects to external clients that contact BYU specifically for the jobs. We're really excited he'll be doing something he loves and that it's turned out to be a real benefit to his pursued line of career. And frankly I'm really thankful it came when it did. This next week I'm reducing my hours since I can not exceed a specific limit this year and will need to find other work. Mostly so I don't go insane with nothing to do, now that we have something a little more stable.  So we'll see where that road takes us. I'm thinking of Cosmetology school during the summer and doing a year long program. I've been toying with this idea of starting a salon out of our house, when we have one, so I can still be at home when we start a family. And I would LOVE all the people coming through and the creativity outlet. Mostly I would like to be able to do styling for things like weddings and dances and special occasions and the like. I'm also considering starting a small hair accessory business from home. ok, here we go. This is going to be a    l   o   n   g    one. Get ready.

Part 1 (
Fascination ):
When I was in the Interior Design program at the LDS Business College I took a color theory class. It FASCINATED me. I love color. I love the impact it has. I love it's underlying healing qualities. I love the personal statements you create with it and...... I just love it!!! I love the science in it's creation. I love it's mechanical schemes. It's balance, it's chaos, it's brightness. I just love it. The end... LOVE.

Part 2 ( Creativity ):
I suppose this could also be called passion, but we'll get to that. In tandem with this last realization, there was one particular event that influenced my thoughts. It was the formal for the semester and I had some lovely lady friends attending. Now, I have wonderful friends who indulge me, and I had this dream. I wanted terribly to do all their hair like you would for a ball in Victorian times. (Secretly I just wanted to do some Pride and Prejudice hair so I could pretend I was in the story, haha.) Well  I got to thinking. And my thought was something to the effect of  "Well what is a great hairdo without some great accessories?!" So I set to work. I corresponded with the girls about their dresses and got an idea for hair styles and I went to town... or rather,  I went to Michael's. I found a few key items and pillaged my box of crafts for the rest. I strung it all together and produced some pretty charming pieces. I had a blast!

Part 3 (pack rat - It runs in the family)
Now as I mentioned before I have a craft box. Most of it consists of scraps from old Interior Design projects,  some scraps from old sewing projects and oodles and oodles of pieces from my Mother ( Mommy), Grandmother ( Grammy) , Great-grandma (G-ma B) and my Mother-in-law ( Mamo ). This being said, you can imagine how large it actually is. About 1 bulging tupperwear tub (the big ones), three bags and a box specifically for lace. That's not even considering the ribbons. Oh the ribbons!!!!! When my husband and I moved into our first place he was in shock at how much "crap" I carried around with me. I hurriedly explained " It's not crap! It's art. It's my creative outlet." so he was supportive and sweet and crammed his shorts and shoes over, practically folding his shorts into his shoes, and obliged me a handsome corner (more like a third ) of our closet for my boxes, bags, mini sewing machine and all other unmentioned paints, brushes, glues, papers and pens. The point is that my husband is wonderful... and that all of these things are from previous projects; There aren't many options for real sewing projects in way of quantity of each material. So I had this brilliant idea. One to satisfy the removal of some of these materials to satisfy my husband, one to satisfy the creative madwoman inside me, and one to share my love of color, hair, and color theory. Not to mention the going green movement. Drum roll please....

Part 4 ( The idea)
I want to start a "
green" color therapy based hair accessory business. We live in a world where everything is on the go now and we're hardly ever home. I love the idea of color therapy, but it's hard to benefit from it when you're never in the rooms it's located in. Of course this is primarily from a working college student perspective, but that's a huge portion of my hoped for client-el. The idea is to take the color with you and use it to your benefit. We all are effected by what we wear. Why not shop by how you want to feel too, instead of just how you look? Whether it's to promote creativity, confidence, excitement, peace or healing color plays a part. All textiles will be recycled, have a therapeutic color scheme and have a back story to go with each one.  They will all be one of a kind. Custom items are an option, and if you want you can even send in your own textiles from sentimental items or events, and choose a style from previous projects I'll keep on file. But like I said, right now it's just an idea. One I'm pretty excited about, but I'm not sure if I would be the only one. Let me know what you think.

So that's that for now. I will finally put an end to my long winded-ness. I hope life is well for all of you and that  you're finding something to be excited about in life. There's so much there. You just have to find it and make it yours :) .T.T.F.N. !!!